I've always been told that I'm mature for my age. I don't respond the way other people would to certain things. I don't respond with pettiness when I'm faced with a negative situation. I don't argue and say things I don't mean as much as I stay calm and state facts. I haven't always been like this. It came with a lot of self-exploration and discovery about who I am and what I want out of life. It hasn't become a conscious decision as much as it's become who I am and how I respond to life now. When you're confident in yourself and your opinions and beliefs there's no need for anger. You simply state your peace and move forward, always respecting the other person's view even if you choose not to agree. I was lost for so long, but I'm not anymore. I know what I want and what I expect from the people around me. I don't surround myself with negativity or fake people. I have a really small circle and that's ok, because at the end of the day I know everyone in it will be there for me if I need them. Having the need to have a lot of superficial relationships is a juvenile way to pad your own ego. Feeling the need to be popular and known by everyone is just an expression of your own lack of self-confidence, an the need for validation by others (even the people you don't know).
I'm not perfect and will never claim to be, but I'm the best Alexis I've ever been and I'm proud of me. I'm proud of where I came from and I'm proud of who I have become, and mostly I'm excited to see where I go from here. It's crazy because when I first moved I had no desire to be in a relationship with anyone. Having to grow-up and be an adult didn't just change my organization, life skills, and responsibility, but my views on everything in life. I wanted to be by myself, but moving and having to be on my own even changed the way I view relationships. I was closed off to the idea of love or being with someone. I didn't feel I was ready. I didn't think I'd be any good at it, and I'd probably end up hurting someone, like I'd done before and that just didn't seem like fun to me. I think I was being naive, though. I was being too perfectionist about what love and relationships are supposed to look like. The Bob Marley quote above says it best. Nothing is perfect. Nothing will ever be perfect, and as I've said so many times in my posts we have no control. I was looking for my life to be perfect before I embarked on anything serious, but if there's one thing I've learned it's that nothing in life will ever be perfect. There will always been something stressing you out. There will always be a deal on the brink of coming through, or a challenge that needs to be conquered. Me trying to get through life all alone, until everything panned out the way I wanted would have left me alone for a very long time.
I'm not going to rush out and just start dating everyone on the planet. That's silly, but I am more open. I'm more open to developing a real connection with someone, and us moving forward through life trials together. I'm less "independent woman" and more willing to have someone else help me with my burdens. I think it's a growing-up/maturity thing to know that you don't always have to do everything by yourself. Sometimes it's ok, when someone is really there for you and real with you to be open to what life has in store. Not forgetting perfection, always striving for it, but being ok with falling short as long as you gave it your best. God works in mysterious ways. I really never thought I'd get here, but here I am. I'll still probably be pretty hard to get through to, just because not everyone deserves to see every part of you. But I could see myself doing the whole relationship thing sooner rather than later!...Do your own self-exploration and just be open to where it leads you! And most importantly, Be You.